So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
