She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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