Jerry, you need to find god
My hand turned me down
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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