ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
