my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
