I just cut my nipple shaving
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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