he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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