woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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