He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
