New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
