Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
