Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
