yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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