i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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