come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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