wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
