Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
