this boner is exhausting
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
