You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
