I need to stop coming to work sober
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
A bitchslap is in order.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
