sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
