At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
