Will you blow on my dice?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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