I got chris browned last night
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
