i already hear my dad disowning me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
