The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
