Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
