she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
