I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
