Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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