sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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