Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
