We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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