I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
