thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
