so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
