pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we're so committed to being not committed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
