i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize