Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
