Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
