Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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