I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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