sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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