Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
