I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
