went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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