I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i came on her dog
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
