We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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