just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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