glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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