needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize