I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
