it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
