you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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