I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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