it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
