Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
