More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
