I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
