dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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