I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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