THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
