I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
