so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize