I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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