That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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